To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

I have a confession to make.  My easy, breezy days of feeling liberated from the scale are over.  Four weeks in, and I desperately want to know exactly how much weight I have lost, all the time, every day.  I may or may not have climbed on my broken scale a few times to get a morsel of reassurance–the read-out may or may not show the first two but not last digit of a person’s weight… Ok, ok.  I’m coming clean.  I also have used the scale at the gym a few times, which also hasn’t been helpful information with the gym clothes and shoes.

Through my coursework, I am trying really hard to focus on the behaviors that lead to weight loss, but not on the weight itself.  I can’t pretend that I don’t care about it, though.  The truth is that I want to lose weight, and need to for my health.  The scale is the ultimate tool to let me know whether what I’m doing is working.

How much information do I really need, though?  I am exercising nearly every day.  I am eating most of my meals at home, and watching both my portions and the foods I am selecting.  My clothes are a bit looser, my belly feels a teensy bit less flabby, and one person asked me yesterday if I’d lost a few pounds.  Isn’t that enough information, for the love of God?  I guesstimate from my various gym weigh-ins that I have lost around 4-5 pounds this month, a healthy and respectable amount.  Shouldn’t I be reassured that what I’m doing is working, and will likely continue to work?

Just what I thought: women have been punishing themselves with these for a looong time... (image via jonno259 on Flickr)

Is wanting My Exact Weight down to the last quarter-ounce  a helpful urge?  Or is it the rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth, “extreme dieter” inside me trying to claw its way out?  Nearly all of us ladies know the truth: the number on the scale is God.  One number can determine what kind of day we have, whether we’re successful and accomplished or a worthless piece of poop. We can’t not weigh ourselves, but we don’t really want to either.  If that’s God, I’d rather be an Atheist.

But I’m not counting calories, the other voice inside me says.  After spending lots of time as a therapist for a weight-loss research study, I can eyeball calories pretty well, and know that I am generally in 1200-1500 calorie range almost every day.  But estimating isn’t knowing exactly, and estimating gets dieters into trouble all the time.  When I served as a therapist on this research study, I counseled my patients that not counting calories is akin to trying to save money for a Mercedes without paying attention to how much anything costs, how much you’re spending, or how much you have in your bank account.  In other words: crazy and doomed to fail.  I meant it, and I saw plenty of examples that confirmed what the research data show.

So by not using the weight-loss tools that I know work—calorie counting and weighing—am I trying to pretend that the rules don’t apply to me?  Being too self-indulgent is what has gotten me these extra pounds to begin with.  On the other hand, am I wise to avoid any of the trappings of “Being on a Diet,” knowing that this leads to burnout and weight obsession?

Here’s the question: am I using a lazy approach to weight loss, or a sensible one?

What I’m doing right now feels like the easy way out.  I’m eating sensibly, but things I enjoy.  I am not really doing much in the way of deprivation.  I am eating carbs and cheese.  It’s too pleasant to actually be working, right?

Look!! It's a Magical Scale!! (image via mag3737 on Flickr)

My slightly loose jeans tell me that it is working, though.  Now that I’ve written this post, here’s what I think my inner, wise voice is telling me: if what I’m doing is working, I shouldn’t question myself.  Who says that weight loss has to be really painful and full of deprivation?  The authors of ten trillion fad diets, that’s who.  But those have never helped me keep off weight over the long-term.

Maybe I’ve reached the magical, Goldilocks Zone of “just right” dieting; maybe I’ve found a balance between two extremes.   Maybe my weight loss will be a bit slower, but is that the worst thing?  I have 20-25 pounds to lose before I’m back in a healthy weight range, why not take a few month extra months if it means I can have a little Gruyere every now and then?

Here’s what I think I need to do (but readers’ opinions are welcome).  I need to throw away the broken scale, because it’s not helpful.  My leaving it there “as a reminder of how my previous weight loss attempts were broken” (or some such malarkey that I wrote before) sounded good and all, but didn’t turn out to be exactly true.  Why leave a pack of smokes sitting around the person who is trying to quit smoking?  Similarly, I need to resist the urge to weigh myself every time I pass the scale at the gym, and aim for every now and then, just to make sure things are moving in the right direction.  I need to keep eating and exercising the way I am now.  Maybe I’ll stop losing weight, and have to re-evaluate.  But as long as things are moving the right direction,   I should just relax.  Breathe.  Enjoy making homemade pasta and French onion soup.  Enjoy the sensation of running on the treadmill while listening to Justin Timberlake on the headphones.  You know, live my life.